Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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