filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
