I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
