Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
