I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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