Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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