Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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