Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
