I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
