Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
