There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
