I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
