last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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