I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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