Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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