I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
