My brain says no but my pants say off.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
