I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
