She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
