Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
