Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
