I think my vagina is haunted
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have tasted many bathrooms
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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