I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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