Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
vagina is talking i cant
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
