Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
