it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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