i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
