I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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