I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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