I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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