ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
