So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
