What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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