i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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