I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
