Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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