So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
