I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize