so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
