Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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