it's too hot outside to masturbate.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
