i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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