If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
