where am i from again
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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