Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
