btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
