I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Randomize
