Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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