I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
