If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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