Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My hand turned me down
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
