I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
