If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
