She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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