oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize