I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
