id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
