Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
