The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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