so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
