i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize