My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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