I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
