Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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