He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
